SPOILER ALERT!

Wonder Woman: Warbringer- Book Flog, Chapter 3

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Chapter 3: After a quick change and picking up what she hopes will be a suitable offering for the Oracle, Di sets out. The Oracle is known for being able to see deep into an Amazon’s heart and the predictions always come at a steep price. She realizes it’s been hours since she left Alia in the cave and hopes she didn’t try anything. The island is a flurry of activity and the winds have kicked up; one look tells her stealing a ship would be impossible right now- full winds, foreboding skies and too much activity.

 

Approaching the grove where the Oracle resides- which sounds like it’s located on Dagobah- Di recalls stories of Amazons visiting her and going mad. One woman, Clarissa, came out weeping blood, nails bitten down to the quick and to this day sleeps with a lit lantern next to her bed. (betcha never saw that one coming)

 

Di screws up her courage and makes her way through a bunch of snakes, frogs, creepy stuff… until her lantern goes out!!! There’s a figure ahead… it’s Maeve! No, it’s Tek- all old and wrinkly… Nah- the Oracle’s just jerking her chain. Even the Oracle takes a shot at her by calling her ‘daughter of Earth’. (if I was Di, I couldn’t wait to get off this fucking island!) Di produces some of her most personal and prized possessions as offerings, including the arrowhead that killed Hippolyta in mortal life. The Oracle accepts, her face shifting this time to Hippolyta’s from a time when she’d comforted Di after overhearing two Amazons calling her a mud creature or something.

 

The Oracle confirms Alia is the cause of what’s happening, as well as those before her (?). The solution- do nothing. Themiscyra is poisoning Alia as much as she’s contaminating it; soon it’ll kill her and that’ll be that. But can’t both be saved?- look, just let it go. Alia is a haptandra- a hand of war. Gaze into the hookah smoke and see. Just don’t breath too deep- you’re still a minor (ok, that was me).

 

Di gets the standard Horrors of War montage- think Leelo from Fifth Element- which includes all her friends.  Alia is a descendant of Helen of Troy, who was the daughter of Nemesis- the entire bloodline is bad. So long as she lives, shit happens. They’re the cause of all the Great Big Bad Stuff in the world (which kinda contradicts how inherently bad mortals are supposed to be, but still). Alia’s gonna mature by the next new moon, so the best way to fix things is for her to die before then. So the boat explosion wasn’t an accident. You catch on fast, princess. Wait- you said ‘best way’… but not ‘only way’- you Oracles always think you’re so damn smart! So what gives?

 

Listen kid- how ‘bout I tell you if everyone’s right about you or not? Are you gonna be a winner or a loser? Wanna know if you’ll be Queen of the Amazons one day? Wait- you can do that? Well, now that you mention it… Nah, screw it- I’d rather you tell me how to save everybody, including Alia.

 

Kids, these days- I swear… Like you weren’t ever a teenager once? Watch your mouth, training bra!

 

*sigh*  Take her to MacGuffin A which is next to Chekov’s Gun which holds MacGuffin B. Make sure not to step on Schrodinger’s Cat’s when you get there. And watch out for Occam’s Razor- it’s sharp. Dafuq?!? You mean I have to leave the island? Yep; it’s called adventure, being a hero, all that jazz. The rest will all make sense when and if you get there. Now go away kid, ya bother me. And don’t worry- for some strange reason I’ll keep my mouth shut when your mom comes ‘round. 46 pages.