SPOILER ALERT!

Book Flog- Anita Blake: Serpentine, Chapter 2

 

Crapter 2:

 

Donna, the bride-to-be, sneaks up on Anita, making both her and her tits jump.  *sigh*  Anita realizes she’s a little edgy- probably because the dress has no place to stash weapons- like her Sig Sauer .380 ™.  At least Nicky’s there to guard the door. 

 

Inane conversation with Donna reveals the wedding’s in Florida, after all.  Donna gets all quiet when she notices Anita’s scars for the first time, so you know what that means- INFODUMP!1!  Now Donna’s sorry she’s making Anita wear something that reveals all her work-related injuries; Tedward has some too, ya know- this goes on for 3 pages.  Anita isn’t aware of some of them, because she’s never seen Ted naked.

 

Now things have slowed to a crawl, you know what’s next- HATER TIME!  Meet Dixie- one of Donna’s bridesmaids, who would be attractive if she didn’t spend so much time not.  She calls bullshit on Anita not having gotten her some Ted, but she actually came to let them know the tailor has another appointment coming up.  Donna tells Anita she doesn’t have to wear the dress, which Dixie takes as an opportunity to be a bitch and snap that she’s glad Anita’s getting kicked out of the wedding.  No- the dress isn’t that big a deal, plus the tailor couldn’t make a dress to match Anita’s curves anyways.  *sigh*  Now Dixie wants to know why Donna’s being so nice to a woman who’s fucking her fiancé; it makes Anita a whore and Donna stupid.   

 

(ya gotta be fucking kidding me with this shit!!!  Only took 25 pages!)

 

 Turns out Donna always thought they were fucking, but she was wrong so it’s all good now.   Dixie counters that even Donna’s therapist thought so- only because Donna thought so.  But you said Ted told you they were!- only because I wouldn’t marry him until he admitted to it!  So he lied to you!- only because I made him!  Anita said so, too!- because Ted asked her to back him up!  Who the hell lies about something like that? (I agree!)- Ted was buying time until he could explain things to us… now Donna’s face is all aglow with the pure radiant light of her love for Tedward.  Or maybe a Stepford Wife or a Scientologist- can’t really tell.  (But it’s pretty hard to argue with Dixie’s reasoning).

 

Dixie thinks this is the most insane crap she’s ever heard.  Ted manipulated them into thinking he’s ok and Anita’s not his side slut.  Anita warns Dixie about calling her a slut or a whore, but Dixie’s persistent and can’t believe Donna’s  gonna get married with Ted’s mistress in the wedding party!  Anita figures Dixie was one of the Mean Girls back in high school.

 

Anita takes a step forward; Donna says no- Dixie doesn’t realize you won’t fight like a girl.  Bring it, bitch; and why are you defending the woman fucking your fiancé?  I’m protecting you from her!- gtfoh, she’s five foot nothing, I got this!  Anita notices Donna’s been working out to get ready for the wedding.  Dixie rushes in; Donna does some hand moves to take her down while Anita does that Sherlock Holmes thing Robert Downey Jr. did in the movies- analyzing all the different ways to finish the fight.  Donna lets Dixie know that if she could take her down, Anita would annihilate her.  Dixie start cussing & bailing that Donna deserved to get cheated on; Donna sends Anita off to find a different dress while she deals with Dixie. 

 

I haven’t read the last two books, and I gotta say I haven’t missed this shit at all!  This chapter was a complete fucking waste of time.  28 pages.