Book Flog- Anita Blake: Serpentine, Chapters 14-19 (STILL NOTHING!!!)



Crapter 14:

Anita’s feeling all jellus and betrayed by Nate’s affection for Melanie; as a Bride, Rodina feels it and blows up Anita’s spot. Bram decides to get them some privacy to deal with this, so they step into a side room with a bunch of guards hanging out.

Roll Call: Pepita, aka Peppy- butch Latina. Roger Parks- some guy. Claudia. Pride. Anita wonders why all the new faces keep popping up; Claudia explains each animal group gets to bring in whomever they want, and lately they’ve been bringing in people who can help out in a fight. (Ok, but that doesn’t mean they get hired, just that they’re part of the clan. And just because they’re Weres doesn’t mean they’re up to the challenge. This is more stupidity).

Hey- Anita actually makes that point…

(I don’t know how to feel about that)

According to Claudia, JC doesn’t really care so long as there’s money to pay them, and there is. They just don’t really have anything to do. And yeah, it doesn’t mean they’re all that.

Claudia didn’t push back too hard because, well… Nate informs Anita that since Ireland when she absorbed whatsherface Anita’s leveled up… and so has everyone bonded to her. Now JC’s sooper-dooper zexxier than he’s ever been and, well- Claudia wasn’t inclined to upset him. Even Pride doesn’t want to be alone with JC- he can’t trust himself.

(For the love of Cthulhu, I need a fucking drink!!!)

This doesn’t bother Anita too much, since it’s the hoodoo that’s got them thinking so much about JC; she’s ok with folks not lusting after her because of magic.

(Wait, what? The lack of self-awareness here is staggering.)

They decide not to tell JC about it unless it becomes a problem. Anita, Micah & Nate tumble off to bed; just before dawn, JC comes to join them in a puppy pile. 128 pages.

Crapter 15:

Time to fly to Florida for the wedding! But a last minute dispute between two furry groups means Jake & Kazzim get to take JC’s private jet to go deal with it (…why…?), so Anita & Co. have to take a commercial flight to Key West and limit the number of bodyguards they bring (...why…?).

Roll Call: Anita, JC, Micah, Nate, Nicky, Bram, Rodina & Ru. (Again- WHY? Apparently any other bodyguards that have been with them for years and might even have some connection to Edward are mysteriously unavailable.)

Seems the nearest airport to Key West can’t handle big planes so the bucket they all have to squeeze into triggers Anita’s aviophobia- that’s a Fear of Flying to you- and a joke about having to be drugged like Mr.T on the A-Team (FYI- the character was called B.A. Barracus.). Screw it- I’m Anita Blake! 134 pages.

(None of this bullshit makes any fucking sense! JC can’t just rent a private plane to accommodate them?!? What am I saying?- I’m sure this shit’ll be shoehorned into affecting the plot at some point.)

Crapter 16:

Welcome to the Conch Republic, aka Key West. Everyone’s so laid back here that there’s a good chance someone blew off work to go fishing or something, so just relax everybody. In an off-hand remark, Micah lets out that the snake people live on Kirke (which I’m gonna presume is close by). And surprise!- Bernardo Spotted-Horse is here to pick them up! 139 pages.

Crapter 17:

Bernardo- tall, dark & handsome- and dressed in a loose shirt and shorts so Anita immediately knows he’s carrying two guns. So cool, this Anita person. Plus the only way JC would slack on the bodyguards is because folks like Bernardo, Edward and others would be around. (This is what a lack of editing does for you).
Nate gives him a bro hug that says,”see- we’re not Gay!” *headdesk*

Here we get a clumsy, unedited Four Horsemen reference (Anita= War, Edward= Death, Bernardo= Hunger) that someone forgot to re-edit, and he’s formally introduced to Micah. Rodina and Ru try to pass as younger folks but Bernardo wasn’t buying it, so now they’re both academics. 143 pages.

Crapter 18:

Kirke is officially Kirke Key, so they have to take a boat over… once everyone except Nate gets their guns & knives strapped on, that is.

Anita speaks to Rodina & Ru about that weird act they just put on. They’d spent so many years as spies, it was natural for them to find a part to play. Screw that crap- you’re bodyguards! Yeah- but we have the advantage if we keep up the act. So you’re just being annoying? Nope- we really have doctorates; once we spent a lot of time in this one city and got our degrees; so long as everyone thinks we’re weaklings, we have the edge. Fine- we’ll do it your way. 148 pages.

Crapter 19:

Driving along in Kirke Key, the water looks ssoooooooo blue! Too bad JC can’t see like this. More relationship wangst. Bernardo finds out R&R are Anita’s Brides, asks if they’re in the rotation. Nope, but we would if she said so. More moping about their being Brides and missing Rodrigo; this makes Anita unhappy which is almost physical to them… but to Rodina it hurts sooo good! Helps to soothe the loss.

Anita doesn’t like all the kinky talk in the car. Why?- Bernardo’s hot; doesn’t he know how you get down? Anita avoids the question, so we’re stuck with more rehashing of the whole Rodrigo/Domino thing. *sigh* 157 pages.

(Literally a third of the way in AND STILL NOTHING HAS FUCKING HAPPENED YET!!!)