Not Ready Yet

Alestha: Kingdom of Ash - Bryan Healey

This sampling of a soon-to-be published novel is rife with over-the-top dramatic sentences that not only don't make any sense, they flat out don't make any sense! "His dagger is stretched forth, his body tight and ready, and in a crush of flesh, the sharp metal plunges effortlessly into his neck and up into his skull, the man's eyes having not the chance to pity for his suddenly lost life." Wha...?

Which serves to explain why the sentences keep jumbling clauses around so it's hard to even tell what's happening to whom- the author has issues with pronouns and POV: "A dozen sharp, long strides and Brandin finally arrives at the horsed man, and he leaps. His dagger is stretched forth, his body tight and ready, and in a crush of flesh, the sharp metal plunges effortlessly into his neck and up into his skull, the man's eyes having not the chance to pity for his suddenly lost life. The force of impact throws the man and Brandin to the ground, off the horse, and on impact with the dirt, Brandin quickly withdraws the blade just before the horse steps callously onto the back of it's former rider, whining incessantly." *sigh*

Hold on, here's another one: "Mercy!" Bradick shouts, now panicking, onto his feet and back to the earth. "You devil!" Brandin cries, walking. "You horror! You fiend! Look at what horror you've done?" "Mercy!" The man begs again, still stumbling to stand. "Never!" And Brandin dives for the man, his blade aimed expertly at his chest; it is certain to be a battle-ending murder were he not interrupted by the brutal rampage of another horsed man, and thrown viciously into the river."

Now try reading this 22 page preview and try imagine an entire novel's worth.

The writing muddles things so badly I can barely even tell what's supposed to be going on here. There's a word the characters use that at first I thought was someone's name, but it turns out that they're swearing- that's how bad it gets.

Since this is a vanity-press novel due out Fall 2012, you just have to hope there's enough time for a proof/copy-editor to rake this one over the coals and try to salvage something out of it. If not, someone's in for a very rude introduction to the world of publishing.